Thursday, March 20, 2014

It's another night like this to remind myself why I choose to live with my family. I choose to stay here for my grandpa and my sisters. I love my parents but they are so dysfunctional together. Separate i can love them both but together I just want to stick a middle finger at them and walk out of the house. I'm kind of mad that my friends bailed out on me tonight, but thankful for the reminder of how my life is at home. I'm here to be a pillar of support for my sisters. To explain to them why I yell at them and not just yell. To not just sit back and watch like my dad has done all these years. I will be the balance between both of them. My grandma used to be the balance and since she's gone I guess I have to step in. I can deal with it. Sometimes. I wanted to call you tonight after my parents stopped their scream session. I used to vent to you after all the scream sessions. But the magic that we had is gone and now I'm not sure if I have a right to ask you to help me. I don't even feel like you lable me as a friend anymore. Just a regret. It sucks to know that you think you hurt me so much and now you won't look at me.

Just look at me. See me for who I am.

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