You say you're not ready to be in a relationship. You say you aren't the girl for me. You want me to be happy with someone else. You want us to stay friends. I'm okay with that. Why can't you be okay with it? You being afraid to be my friend tells me that maybe, just maybe you have some feeling for me. You're just scared. But you know what? I'm not done fighting for you. I may be hurt and left with a broken heart but I'm not done just yet. So don't you dare pull away from me. You have no right to do that. I know how to heal my broken heart and you pulling away and ignoring me is not the answer. Don't you dare! Do a Sasha. I know you're better than her. I know when to stop because of her. It's not that time yet.

Look at me and smile. Look at me and remember why we became friends. Look at me and remember why you started to fall for me. Look at me like how I look at you.

I got my closure today. I finally asked you if I did something wrong that changed us. You said it wasn't. You weren't ready and you didn't like yourself the way you are. What isn't there to like? The person you are now is the person I came to care for as more than a friend. The person you are now gave me butterflies, goofy smiles and hope that maybe one day I could fall for you. If you want to change why can't I be there to see the change? Why did you have to push me away. Why did I just state at my phone for the past two months wondering if it was my fault. Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough for you?

I told you months ago that I'm not going anywhere. I've slept with other people, and been out on a few harmless dates and all I want is you. I still like you, and just because you tell me that you aren't ready doesn't mean that my feelings for you will just disappear. I can try and move on like I have been for the past two months but that didn't work out. So now here I am. Waiting for you to realize that I like you for who you are. You are a great person and I'm not going anywhere just yet. 

After I realized you didn't want anything to do with me. I slept with someone who trusted and would make me feel something. In the few weeks you were gone all I could think about was you coming home. Coming home to a girl who has been trying to fight for your attention. A girl who smiled whenever she talked about you, a girl who wanted to be yours. The sex was fun and it felt good.
I've been hanging out with other people but you, trying to move on from you. But all I want to do is invite you out with me. But I couldn't because I knew you would say no. I knew I wasn't enough to make you say yes. I don't want to get Danielle in the middle of this. I like hanging out with her but she's your friend and when she talks about you, I feel hurt, hurt I didn't know the story that she was telling me about you. Hurt that I couldn't be part of the story.
The movie tomorrow is probably the last time I will invite you anywhere. I'm hurt that you would rather clean than hang out with me and your best friend. I couldn't even bring myself to walk into your place and say hi. I just wanted to go home and move on. But what did i do? I saw you talking about a show on Netflix and instead I watched it by myself. Trying to figure out more about you. Always trying to learn more about you as a person. To figure out why I can't move on from you.
Why as soon as my date was over I thought about you. Why all I want to do is have your right here next to me.

Sad pathetic repetitive post of the week; done.

Goal: make progress

I had a fun time during my date. I didn't think of you at once. There's nothing romantic going on, just some good fun between friends.

But once the magic of the date was gone, all I thought of was you. You and how I should be moving on from you, but I can't. Not yet anyways. But at least I know I'm trying. I'm trying to move on and be happy. I know I can be happy.

If anything through all my past relationships and life events, I know I can be happy with and without you.

Done. Done. Done

I have a date next week with someone who actually wants to be with me. I don't have to question their intentions because honestly I don't give a fuck anymore. Whatever happens, happens. Not gonna wait around anymore for something good to happen to me. Not going to wait around to see if you like me and to say something to me. I can't wait anymore I shouldn't be waiting in the first place. You reminded me of Sasha, as soon as you did I should have stopped talking to you. I never want to go through that pain again and I won't. A giant red flag as what not to look for in a significant other.

Oh well.

All I can think about whenever I read in the morning? Is you. That one night you slept over and I woke up to you next to me. Me looking down on you telling you to wake up and get ready to go. Knowing that I was the first person you saw in the morning made me feel special. I wish I had kissed you that one day. When I realize you aren't in my bed in the morning I think back to the night we were walking in the rain and I gave you my beanie so you wouldnt get sick again. I remember putting my hands on your face to wipe away the rain. I looked into your eyes and wished I had kissed you then too.

What a wonderful train of thoughts to have first thing in the morning

I've been thinking non stop about Maia lately, but I don't think shes thinking about me at all. I get that, my crush doesn't like me back and I have to move on.

but God damn I was thinking about all the things we could do as a couple. I thought way too far ahead and wished I didn't. I moved slow but my mind was going a mile a minute.

I want to fight for you. I'm fighting with myself to just move on from you. I will not forget anything that we did. I don't regret any of it. Just miss it.

Got this is a sad pathetic repetitive post.